Reasonable Expectations

So lately I've been struggling with an important question - how easy or hard should I be on myself?

Now, to give this some context, I have spent a lifetime wherein assorted teachers, friends, trainers and others have told me that I'm too hard on myself.  It's a reasonable criticism, for the most part, as I'm not a big fan of letting myself off the hook.  My standards for success are pretty high, although I don't suspect that this sets me apart from most of the Type A overachievers I know.

Since I began this period of unemployment, however, I have allowed a lot of distractions in my world.  I haven't exactly spent my days at Disneyland.  It's been mostly cleaning, organizing, painting (a room, not artwork) and other manual labor - it is not, however, job searching.

I tell myself, "hey, it's only been a month and it's ok to enjoy some of the time off."  Others tell me, "don't worry, you have time for job searching.  You'll look back on this time glad to have enjoyed some of the opportunity to do whatever you want."  But there is a big difference between letting oneself enjoy and letting oneself off the hook, and I'm deathly afraid that I'll begin to enjoy the latter as much as the former.

I keep projecting forward to a more panicked time in my head, where I become more desperate for employment and I think to myself, why did I waste the early days on projects when I should have been searching for work?

So this is my pledge for the coming week.  Accomplish one significant and real task daily which puts me closer to my goal, and THEN allow for the distractions.  I'll be scheduling time into my calendar, as I would have any meeting in my past to make sure that I stay focused.  After all, priorities can only be named priorities when one prioritizes them.  (By the way, I believe my 8th grade English teacher just shuddered and doesn't know why.  Mrs. Cypers, it's because I used the same word thrice in a sentence.  I'll try not to do it often.) 

I know I can do it.  Wish me luck!

Interviews

Today I had a phone interview.  It's not the biggest announcement ever in a world where I'm applying for jobs, but boy was I nervous.  Yes, nervous.  And I've never been nervous for interviews because I've always figured that interviews are a period of time where I'm sitting through some sort of test, except that studying is unnecessary because the interviewer is asking me about the one topic that I know the most about - me.  I mean, I don't like to brag, but in a Trivial Pursuit game, the "me" edition, I'm pretty confident that I could get all the little pie pieces.  (Maybe not the little sports piece, unless I luck out and get a question on cheerleading.  And yes, cheerleading IS a sport... but I digress.)

But here is the good news... I was nervous until the interview started, and then I relaxed and remembered some important job search rules:
1. You are who you are and you've done what you've done.  And that isn't going to change no matter what they ask.
2. Authenticity is the only option.  What makes you stand out from the crowd is sharing your genuine self in a unique way.
3. Be confident.  Either you believe that the job is a fit or it isn't, but others can't define your capacity for achievement, whether they offer you the opportunity or not.  No one role and no single interview can define you or your ability to achieve unless you let it..
4. Relax.  Make it a conversation.  It's ok to answer a question and then ask what the interviewer thinks.  It's a great way to establish connection and rapport, which just happens to be a great interview technique.  And it makes it so much more fun.

As much as I'm hoping that I'll move forward in the process, I'm feeling great to have gotten over the hump of my first interview now that I'm back on the market.  I'm not sure what pie piece that gets me in the me Trivial Pursuit game, but I'm hoping it's the pink one.

The Thing About Money

Ok, let's face it - while we may work because of the love and passion for what we do, my mortgage company seems to have a love and passion for my regular payments.  Yes, our friends at the unemployment insurance office have my back, but let's face it, those payments aren't designed to support a home in Brentwood and keeping me in Whole Foods sushi on a regular basis.

So the first - and most obvious - approach for me was to start with money outflow.  I've never been very frivolous with money, but there are always ways to reduce, reuse and recycle.  Every expense is now keenly felt, as if every check I write brings me one step closer to homelessness.  So I've really buckled down - no more cleaning help, now I'm in charge of my own toilets.  Reduced netflix and cable and cell phone (oh my!).  I was already pretty frugal with running the heater and air conditioner, in fact I was once accused of living in a utility-free zone.  I could claim that it was for the environment, but it was more so that I could afford the occasional trip to DSW.  My new version of frivolous expense is the movie in the theatre or the delicious veggie delight sandwich at Subway.  Yes, I'm living the high life.

But the real challenge is not in the fund spending, but in the fund raising.  Should I take every role that comes my way?  Should I jump on the first reasonable offer?  Should I see if I can get some cardboard and scribble out a "will work for shoes" sign?  Where do I value my worth and are there things that are just not "at my level?"  (Crazy to think I have gotten to a place where I have a level, right?)  At any rate, I haven't yet figured out the answers to these questions, but I do think that finding the sweet spot between bringing in the bucks and believing that I have a minimum worth and sticking to it is the holy grail of being unemployed.

Because let's face it, I happen to be one of the lucky ones with a large network of support.  My cardboard sign days are hardly imminent and I, unlike many, have the luxury of taking some time to think about these challenging questions and finding the right answers for me.  Because just like the folks at L'Oreal say, it's "because I'm worth it."

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Phase Three: How Did I Ever Have Time for a Job?

Yes, it's true.  I have joined the legions of people who have nothing to do.  Ok, not NOTHING to do - after all, I better be applying for jobs and setting up my new life, but it's pretty nice being allowed to waste just a little bit of time (perish the thought).

Truth is, I've not stopped moving since day 1.  I'm out seeing people, cleaning, working out, reading (what, reading?) and generally using some of this time to get to know myself again.  Not myself as defined by my job or the outside world, but myself in my happiest of states.  I'm taking time to breathe.  I'm taking time to take emotional and physical inventory.  I'm taking time to actually walk outside in the sun every now and again.  I'm taking time to make special meals for my significant other.  Plus, I make my bed every day, and it looks quite nice.

While I'm enjoying the experience, I've also realized that I better buckle down and give attention to this job search and development of my new consulting practice.  But I'm going to hold on to this feeling of joyous freedome and self reflection practice while I reintroduce myself to the ways of formal work. Turns out, I quite like them both.  It is, after all, a beautiful day.

Phase Two: Projects!

So, there's no denying it now - I'm officially unemployed.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I was unemployed last week, but now I feel unemployed... and I expected it to feel worse.  Would I rather have a job?  Of course I would.  But I have learned that nothing (or very few things) are purely good or bad.

For example, yesterday I spent the morning outside taking a walk in the sun.  I did the same today.  My dogs sure don't mind my change of status, I can tell you that.

And I'll tell you the other upside.  I have had projects on hold in my house for nearly a decade.  The last time I actually put phots in a scrapbook was when I went to Spain in 2003.  And I've done my share of traveling, so I have my share of work to do.  Passover is coming - and I don't hate the idea of having time to clean out all that stuff that amassed while I was busy frivolously spending my time at work.  I hear there are people who know how to bake things and I'm pretty sure that my oven still works.

So, while I've got some time, I'm looking for ideas of things to do and try.  Feel free to post your things that you wish you were trying but are too busy to do because you're at work.  I'd offer to hire out to allow people to live vicariously through me, but then paradoxically, I'd have a job.  Hm.

Time to Pump It!

The Five Phases of Unemployment

Being a fan of Elizabeth Kubler Ross, I thought I would try to identify the 5 phases of unemployment as I go through them.  Of course, Kubler Ross' 5 phases seem to be applicable:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance - but they are far less fun and they happened pretty quickly.  But once you get to acceptance, then what?

Let's begin with Phase One.  "I will use this time to work out ALL the time." 
Isn't it great to have this opportunity to spend as much time as possible on reshaping myself?  What a gift my unemployment has given me.  Wait until they see my new knockout body. Shape magazine will be knocking down my door any day now.

Guess what I found out?  Picturing yourself running on a treadmill at the gym in your head, doesn't exactly make a difference on the scale.  Ok, that can only mean one thing... ACTUALLY going to the gym.  Working with a trainer.  Getting myself to the gym for cardio workouts - even if the most I can eke out is a half hour for right now.  Taking my dogs for slightly longer walks that what they already get.

It's back to a great quote from Seth Godin about leadership being the choice to not do nothing.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing - I don't have to win marathons in my head, I just have to set my intention and make progress on it every day.  Which is already a pretty good job searching technique, as well, no?

"I'm gonna go go go, there's no stopping me!" Freddie Mercury
(click to see a great video!)